posts from me

August 22nd, 2024, @ 6:43pm

Wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? Trust me, I've been wanting to update this place for a while! Today is the first time (in a long time) that I've had the motivation to actually update this place. It's been an entire year. Time flies, huh? Anyways... That "awful thing" I experienced was being cheated on. Womp womp. At this point, I just don't care. Six months ago I got an amazing partner and in a few days, it's her birthday, and then we go on a little road trip to my hometown. I'm on SSRIs, I've been to therapy, I've been through it all. Things are just a lot different than they were last year, and I guess I'm thankful for that. It's hard to be sad looking at these sad entries below this one, knowing that last year it felt like the end of the world that I didn't know what to do with my life. I've even got a better family doctor, for fuck's sake. Everything is different. I like it, a lot. My girlfriend's name is Anna. She's probably the best person in the entire world, I think. I'm excited to be spending so much time with her so soon! Back on topic, though. I never did go to inpatient care. Trigger warning if you read ahead; but I had an attempt on my life. As you can see, it did not work. I don't really feel much about it right now. It feels very, very far away. Like some sort of distant dream I almost can't remember. I can't tell if that's good or not. To be honest, as long as it doesn't hurt, I don't care. I think it's going alright. Hopefully, I'll update this place a bit more. Catch you later :]

July 4th, 2023 @ 10:48pm

hey again everybody. haven't been feeling well the past few months. i started antidepressants again (for the first time in four or five years, actually!) to cope with the horrible turblence in my head haha. to start, i started having awful nightmares again of my trauma that still haven't stopped. currently i'm on a five (how many, really? i don't know) night streak of different nightmares ranging from my teenage trauma to just awful things. my little best boy pet dog passed away due to an incurable cancer very suddenly and i didn't get to say goodbye to him. then, a few days ago, the nightmares got worse. turns out my body remembered my trauma anniversary! and on the very first day i was dealing with these memories from four years ago i just got the most awful news. i've been keeping it together, i guess. sorry to dump this all here to any random viewer who passes by but virtual shrug because this is my website and you can see above i'm using it to help heal? anyways, i was considering inpatient care but the only facility where i live is AWFUL. so i won't be going there. i have an appointment with my family doctor in a few days though so maybe she'll increase my dosage. wish me luck :)

May 11th, 2023 @ 11:27am

annddd my about me page is reformatted and redecorated! you'll notice i've added a lot of stamps! still working on getting more blinkies, but i've decided i might make some of my own just as a little hobby and maybe i'll post them here or cross post to tumblr or dA. its undecided right now, but i think it'll be a fun hobby for myself considering i don't have much to do now anyway. i have to change the dividers on this page too, so hopefully in a second i'll get that done :)

May 9th, 2023 @ 7:52pm

hopefully final update, my new home page layout and theme is done! hopefully after i've added this text you'll be able to see i've managed to create a little scrolly box. how neat! i think i've gotten better at HTML but there's no doubt i have spaghetti code right now. don't worry about it NEJFHSDKJFFGH

May 9th, 2023 @ 5:56pm

hello once again! as you can see i'm kind of demolishing my theme and layout over and over to try and get it all right. sorry about that! but i'm really trying to get the hang of HTML and CSS now that my uni semester is done. i've got a bit of a satanist theme going here, so it's probably a good time to add that i'm a satanic chaos witch. i vibe with the teachings (although magic isnt a part of it, i just decide to do what i want sometimes) and i don't have a good past with christianity anyway so it's very freeing to me. i hope some people who stumble over here might agree! i'm non-theistic as well, so i don't believe in any actual god nor satan as he's described in the bible. do some research if it intrigues you!

May 9th, 2023 @ 12:29pm

hello hello, this is my very first 'blog' post! i wanted to update this to add some little posts from me about how my life has been going, just to scream it into the void of space. yesterday i got a package with my new chew necklaces and magnet rings and its been really nice to be able to stim in a way that doesn't damage my hands. i often chew myself when i can't have somemthing else in my mouth to bite down on, so this is a bit of a lifesaver for me. i've got blue and red dog tag ones with stars on them that remind me of captain america and captain marvel. there was another one on a different website that looked like caps shield, but it was out of my budget due to shipping. real sad, but these do the trick!